Sexy bathroom mirror self portrait

So there i was, in my bathroom, with my phresh new Polo tee (complete with fully erect colar), my super heterosexual sunglasses, bitchin' new Lucky brand jeans (just low enough so that only a tasteful bit of my thong could be seen) and my trusty studded belt that glistened with magnificence. Do i even need to mention how awesome my hair looked? My head was the sexiest sea urchin you've ever seen. Needless to say i looked good.

if only i could capture this moment forever. Perhaps so i could look back and maybe someday show my grandkids.

"hey there Zorboth, why don't you hop off that hover board and come see how hawt your grandpa used to be."

But alas, i didn't have any phrends present to take my picture. A sad thing indeed.
Wait a tic...

Blogs are st00pid, But they taste sooooo good.

So Darth Vader walks into a bar. It's good thing he was wearing a helmet. But it was still super funny to watch...probably.

So, i've had this blog for like two years and haven't posted a single thing. Which is good because i went back and looked at all of the posts i never published and they were all super lame. You seriously have no idea, sometimes i look back and wonder why no one ever told me how st00pid i sounded. Anyways enough with the self deprecation. As long as were practicing full disclosure, i had to lookup the word deprecation to make sure i was using it right, turns out i was. confidence. vocabulary. Vo-con-cab-fid-ulary-ence. Voconcabfidularience. mmmmm.

So yea I'll probably post some things. i will probably plaster it all over facebook, and theres nothing you can do about it. Well actually i won't be posting a single thing. I'm using a ghost writer. He's an actual ghost, a transparent typist if you will. He will be doing all the posting. He's also asian, if that matters to anyone. Or rather, "I'm asian", since he's the one typing. Kind of paradoxical and confusing i know, get used to it, he (I) gets a kick out of confusing the (i havent decided if im going to let him curse on the blog yet, if i decide for it i come back and insert all sorts of awesome words. but for now here's a punctuation parade) $#!^ out of 'squishys'. Thats what he (I) calls the living. It's because, for the most part, were all kind of squishy, or something like that. It's slightly derogatory, i know. But theres nothing really we can do about it, thanks Obama.

Well i think thats a pretty solid first post. mmmm, oooooo, yeeaahhh, thats nice, thats real nice.